Couples, Marriage, and Relationship Counselling
Why did I choose to get trained in the Gottman Method for couples counselling? Because I believe in the power of partnership and relationships to support good health. You’ve probably heard this before, but as humans we are wired for connection. It is natural for us as individuals to desire to be in romantic partnerships with another human being.
The Ups and the Downs
The support, care, and nurturance that we receive from our romantic partners or spouses can be the best medicine. Conversely, the absence of these elements can be detrimental to our sense of self and what we believe to be true about ourselves and others. In my work as a couples counsellor, I have seen gaslighting (yes, in my office when one partner tried to gaslight me along with their spouse), I have seen yelling matches, I have seen people shrink and shut down because they cannot regulate their emotions in the heat of the moment. I have seen more than the tip of the iceberg in couples’ problems. And, I have also seen the opposite. I have seen couples turn to each other and bare truths that they themselves just discovered, I have seen partners comfort one another, I have seen shared vulnerability and care that eclipses hidden insecurities. In short, I have seen partners change, grow, and embrace a new found intimacy and knowing of one another.
Communication
When I speak to people seeking couples counselling, the number one issue they state in their relationship is “communication”. Somehow, the client knows how communication is suffering or not feeling right or just plain ineffective in their relationship, but they may not know how to remedy the communication. When this happens, unpleasant cycles of interaction develop that serve as a breeding ground for negative feelings about the other partner, and the relationship as a whole. Through the Gottman Method, couples learn skills to help facilitate better communication. What do I mean by “better communication”? I mean learning how to communicate with honesty and integrity, learning how to hold space for one another’s emotions and inner experiencing, learning how to regulate emotions as individuals and also how to co-regulate to build greater unity and intimacy.
How to Get Started
The Gottman Method has some amazing online resources available for anyone to access. Here’s a link in case you are interested: https://www.gottman.com/couples/
Aside from this, couples counsellors like myself are here to help you explore how you can improve your relationship with your significant other.
